Jokes
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VeRnuS
Jokes
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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VeRnuS
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don't you eat the peanuts yourself? "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don't you eat the peanuts yourself? "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
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VeRnuS
Rules for Frequent Flyers
- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
- If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
- If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
- Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
- If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.
- Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
- The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
- The less carryon luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carryon luggage passengers will bring aboard.
- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
- If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
- If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
- Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
- If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.
- Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
- The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
- The less carryon luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carryon luggage passengers will bring aboard.
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Lord Vernus
- آخرشه !
- پست: 523
- تاریخ عضویت: سه شنبه 1 خرداد 1386, 10:07 pm
- تماس:
IF MEN GOT PREGNANT
Maternity leave would last two years... With full pay.
There would be a cure for stretch marks.
Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM
Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
Women would rule the world!!
Maternity leave would last two years... With full pay.
There would be a cure for stretch marks.
Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM
Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
Women would rule the world!!
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
1. Only in America..... .can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America..... .are there handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks.
3. Only in America..... .do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America..... .do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.
5. Only in America..... .do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America..... .do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America..... .do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America..... .do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America..... .do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
2. Only in America..... .are there handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks.
3. Only in America..... .do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America..... .do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.
5. Only in America..... .do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America..... .do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America..... .do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America..... .do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America..... .do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar." he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?" The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
Top 10 Reasons why Studying is Better than Sex
10. You can always find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as being a "book tease."
4. You can do it, eat and watch TV all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle of it.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
10. You can always find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as being a "book tease."
4. You can do it, eat and watch TV all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle of it.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
INTERESTING YET FUNNY
* You can become an engineer if u study in Engineering college .. U cannot become a president if u study in Presidency College !
************
* You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop... You cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.
************
* A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software!
************
* You can find keys in Key board but you cannot find mother in mother board.
************
* You can study and get any certificates. .. But you cannot get your death certificate.
************
* You can become an engineer if u study in Engineering college .. U cannot become a president if u study in Presidency College !
************
* You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop... You cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.
************
* A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software!
************
* You can find keys in Key board but you cannot find mother in mother board.
************
* You can study and get any certificates. .. But you cannot get your death certificate.
************
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
Bumper stickers for women!!
1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.
4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG.
6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.
11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE... WHO CARES?
12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES
13. AND YOUR POINT IS?
14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP .
18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY ?
1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.
4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG.
6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.
11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE... WHO CARES?
12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES
13. AND YOUR POINT IS?
14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP .
18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY ?
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
Not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep ," the wife replied, "In-laws."
Not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep ," the wife replied, "In-laws."
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
?The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
?The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, ?You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
That it indeed says........ .. "HEBREWS"
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, ?You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
That it indeed says........ .. "HEBREWS"
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
Dear Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks ,
A Troubled User
*********************************************
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 and Cook It 1.5.
However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks ,
A Troubled User
*********************************************
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 and Cook It 1.5.
However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
101
Ways to Annoy Your Co-workers
Leave a stack of old applications and a note saying, “Install these”
Staple your reports in the wrong corner
Put tape over the mouse optics
Unplug a co-worker’s monitor
Talk to sick employees while wearing a dust mask
Turn your earphones up all the way
Burn popcorn in the microwave
“Forget” to put your tuna sandwich in the fridge
Turn up the beep volume of the copier
Empty the paper out of the main printer/copier
Empty the ink or toner out of the main printer/copier
Practice beat boxing
Sing show tunes
Hang up the phone before they say, “good bye”
Slurp hot coffee during meetings
Walk around the office barefooted
Empty out a co-workers office on a Friday afternoon
Misplace peoples pens
Insert a 3.5” disk before they turn on their computer
Glue their mouse to the desk
Leave an open can of tuna in their desk
Make a screenshot of their desktop and use it as their screensaver
Turn up the contrast on their monitor
Talk in a funny accent
Use goofy event sounds for your programs
Chant, “Yeay, I got mail!!” every time you get a new email
Print out a phony pink slip and leave It in their mailbox
Send flowers from one co-worker to another
Start your car remotely when someone walk by it
Insist on people to have a great morning
Leave hole punches all over
Leave your lunch garbage in other people’s cans
After each sip give a refreshing, “Ahhh”
Put salt on someone’s mouse pad
Set a password on someone’s screensaver
Carry on a conversation with someone two cubes down
Smirk when a co-worker walks by
Eat half of someone’s lunch
Swap co-worker’s chairs
Fake stomach flu during a meeting and need to abruptly leave three or four times
Stare deeply into your co-workers eyes when they talk to you
Take all the ice out of the community freezer
Listen to comedy tracks and laugh hysterically
Hit all the floor buttons when you leave the elevator
Make hissing sounds into the phone and insist you have a bad connection
Flip the left and right mouse button defaults
Take out the ball in the mouse
Eat sunflower seeds
Tell a long story without a point
Tell a co-worker you liked their hair better last week
Anonymously send flowers to a random co-worker
Bring Cheetos for food days
Drag your feet when you walk down the halls
Exclaim your co-worker didn’t wash his hands when leaving the restroom
Eat stinky foods when you have lunch at your desk
Practice drumming on your desk
Use too many paper clips
Fill out your time sheets incorrectly
Set your mobile phone to an obnoxious ring tone
Forward chain letters and other spam to co-workers
Express your political views at length
Whisper loudly
Come to work sick
Drink the last cup of coffee without making a new pot
Answer your mobile during meetings
Stand over someone while they are on the phone
Sneak up behind someone
Mess with the thermostat
Give everyone a pistol wink when they walk by
Gradually turn down the volume on someone’s phone
Leave unusual print outs on the printer
Throw out other people’s prints
Juggle office supplies
Write all your memos on bright colored paper
Be overly nice to people
Hide whiteboard erasers
Chew gum while talking on the phone
Regularly update everyone on the current weather
Read your emails aloud
Leave the fridge open
Shake up cans of pop in the fridge
Leave fingerprints on the copier glass
Whistle all day long
Wear too much cologne/perfume
Type loudly
Wear bright colored clothes
Give everyone a nickname from a TV show
Do the sneaky walk around the office
Peer over the cube and wait for a co-worker to look up and notice
Use the intercom and page yourself
Swap the regular and decaf coffee
Hide the sugar and creamer
Type emails in uppercase and excessive punctuation
Refer to your garbage can as your in-box
Stick pencils to the ceiling in other people’s offices
Throw a bouncy ball in your office
Tell the same story over and over
Imitate regular sounds like a disc drive opening, door slamming or a mouse click
Talk to your monitor as if it was a person
Schedule meetings at 4:00pm
Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you
Ways to Annoy Your Co-workers
Leave a stack of old applications and a note saying, “Install these”
Staple your reports in the wrong corner
Put tape over the mouse optics
Unplug a co-worker’s monitor
Talk to sick employees while wearing a dust mask
Turn your earphones up all the way
Burn popcorn in the microwave
“Forget” to put your tuna sandwich in the fridge
Turn up the beep volume of the copier
Empty the paper out of the main printer/copier
Empty the ink or toner out of the main printer/copier
Practice beat boxing
Sing show tunes
Hang up the phone before they say, “good bye”
Slurp hot coffee during meetings
Walk around the office barefooted
Empty out a co-workers office on a Friday afternoon
Misplace peoples pens
Insert a 3.5” disk before they turn on their computer
Glue their mouse to the desk
Leave an open can of tuna in their desk
Make a screenshot of their desktop and use it as their screensaver
Turn up the contrast on their monitor
Talk in a funny accent
Use goofy event sounds for your programs
Chant, “Yeay, I got mail!!” every time you get a new email
Print out a phony pink slip and leave It in their mailbox
Send flowers from one co-worker to another
Start your car remotely when someone walk by it
Insist on people to have a great morning
Leave hole punches all over
Leave your lunch garbage in other people’s cans
After each sip give a refreshing, “Ahhh”
Put salt on someone’s mouse pad
Set a password on someone’s screensaver
Carry on a conversation with someone two cubes down
Smirk when a co-worker walks by
Eat half of someone’s lunch
Swap co-worker’s chairs
Fake stomach flu during a meeting and need to abruptly leave three or four times
Stare deeply into your co-workers eyes when they talk to you
Take all the ice out of the community freezer
Listen to comedy tracks and laugh hysterically
Hit all the floor buttons when you leave the elevator
Make hissing sounds into the phone and insist you have a bad connection
Flip the left and right mouse button defaults
Take out the ball in the mouse
Eat sunflower seeds
Tell a long story without a point
Tell a co-worker you liked their hair better last week
Anonymously send flowers to a random co-worker
Bring Cheetos for food days
Drag your feet when you walk down the halls
Exclaim your co-worker didn’t wash his hands when leaving the restroom
Eat stinky foods when you have lunch at your desk
Practice drumming on your desk
Use too many paper clips
Fill out your time sheets incorrectly
Set your mobile phone to an obnoxious ring tone
Forward chain letters and other spam to co-workers
Express your political views at length
Whisper loudly
Come to work sick
Drink the last cup of coffee without making a new pot
Answer your mobile during meetings
Stand over someone while they are on the phone
Sneak up behind someone
Mess with the thermostat
Give everyone a pistol wink when they walk by
Gradually turn down the volume on someone’s phone
Leave unusual print outs on the printer
Throw out other people’s prints
Juggle office supplies
Write all your memos on bright colored paper
Be overly nice to people
Hide whiteboard erasers
Chew gum while talking on the phone
Regularly update everyone on the current weather
Read your emails aloud
Leave the fridge open
Shake up cans of pop in the fridge
Leave fingerprints on the copier glass
Whistle all day long
Wear too much cologne/perfume
Type loudly
Wear bright colored clothes
Give everyone a nickname from a TV show
Do the sneaky walk around the office
Peer over the cube and wait for a co-worker to look up and notice
Use the intercom and page yourself
Swap the regular and decaf coffee
Hide the sugar and creamer
Type emails in uppercase and excessive punctuation
Refer to your garbage can as your in-box
Stick pencils to the ceiling in other people’s offices
Throw a bouncy ball in your office
Tell the same story over and over
Imitate regular sounds like a disc drive opening, door slamming or a mouse click
Talk to your monitor as if it was a person
Schedule meetings at 4:00pm
Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you
گره افتاده در کارم به خود کرده گرفتارم.....
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